Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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