Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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