and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
