someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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