last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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