i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
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He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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