Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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