I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize