i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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