I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
