I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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