your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
