Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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