Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
