i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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