forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
