Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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