There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
