I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
