Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Pants are for mortals
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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