Just took my morning after pill in the library
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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