First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
