guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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