He is such a slut. More and more my type.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
