found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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