Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
