I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
