there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
