I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
