You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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