a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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