The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
