Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
