aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize