Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
