i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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