How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
