It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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