well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
