i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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