This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
