that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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