who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
