OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
