My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
