Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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