OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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