Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
