erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
