Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
