no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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