does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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