My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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