what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
