At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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