Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
