I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
