see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
