I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
