47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize