If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
